I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
he just texted me two pictures of his dick. i feel i should rethink whatever vibe im obviously giving out
so is it as big as he says?
he put a tube of toothpaste next to it as a reference. it looks legit
I shaved my legs finally. I am starting to remember what my skin feels like.
Is it bad that now when i read ingredients in the food I eat i only read it as shrooms instead of mushrooms ?
Whatever. I'll let someone else deal with his flacid penis.
he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
Hello you've reached the get a clue corp. Our business hours are from take a hint to figure it out, eastern standard time. If you prefer to leave a message, don't, call back when you're not crazy, fat, and annoying.
i wasn't going to tell her about the threesome but i had to explain the tree and the green paint everywhere
My vagina loves me do-dah do-dah my vagina loves me do-dah do-dah
I picture you throwing your vagina around in the same fashion that they pass out candy at a parade.
Hey, sorry for threatening to teabag your mom to death last night
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
Basically all I do anymore is get stoned with my cats, and then we share goldfish.
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
Eating breakfast at 1:30 in the afternoon stark naked is how everyone should live
Finally finished unpacking shit from school n found a bra with no idea whose it is... I miss college so much it hurts sometimes
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