Who goes to Church hungover
Those who weren't lucky enough to go still drunk
i threw up in a trash can last night at kellys irish times. but in a trash can because i'm a lady
The best part was that when i tried to chase her she ran off in one of those barbie motorized jeeps that little kids use and i chased her on a big wheel, thru lincoln terrace
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
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I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
i cant answer while inside this church craft show. so unless you're outside with my engagement ring and a nonfat gingerbread latte, it'll have to wait.
So the first 4 hours of my morning was equivalent to seeing under water. Things were starting to get better until I remember I drank mustard for free stuff and flossed my teeth with a strand of hair from a stranger in the bathroom.
I found his belly button lint in my hair. Can't say it was worth it.
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Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
Oh man, are we repeating last 4th of July?!
That shouldn't even be a question, it's a tradition now. Hope your manhood is ready.
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
Sorry I crashed a riding mower into your garage door. No hard feelings??
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
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