i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
It's Monday. What a great day to start the weekend on the week of st. Patricks day
I trust that you have thought of something completely illegal for us to do this weekend.
He asked me to grab his balls and yell "thats a spicy meat-a-ball" Last time I do requests.
Balls are wasted. Waste are ballsted. Ballsd wasted
Shame should no longer be a word in your vocabulary.
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
one of them held the wheel while the other one changed her pants. while driving. on the thruway. what
Ha, I bet. You tipped the waitress like 10 bucks for a glass of water.
They poured beer (3 cans) down the toilet so bubbles can be drunk in fishy heaven
Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
Help me. My dealer just asked me to have a child with him. Sat me down for a heart to heart "he's almost 40 and losing his shit cause he's single and wants babies" talk. How the fuck am I supposed to feel about this????
Randomize
