but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.
I worry about you sometimes...
Just watched a porn with the dvd commentary on i think i need to re-evaluate my life
Word to the wise: learn how to ask "What is my bail posted as" in French before traveling abroad.
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
I just took my birth control on the way to class with a 1/2 melted jello shot I happened to find in my purse from Friday night. I told you I was going hard this year.
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
All I know is that I'm not gonna send out SOS messages via twitter for your rescue this time.
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
The fun I thought I would be having now when I was six is vastly different from what I am currently doing. Hurraaay sex and vicodin.
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
You could be a whistle.. And just ask bitches if they want to blow you all night
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
Randomize
