If its called oral, why is it so hard to talk?
Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
How unacceptable would it be to bar hop with a funnel in the square? It's Halloweekend and I plan on going hard. I can claim it goes w/ my costume. But I don't think the MIMITW uses funnels.
I'd rather make snow angels in a pool of elephant shit.than sleep with him.
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
I almost stepped in a homeless mans stream of urine as he was peeing. I love this city.
After 3 dates I think I'm failing at painting the "sweet guy with a future" picture and more painting the "this is the guy to call when you've run out of options and want to get fucked in half drunk to forget about it" picture.
All I know is that I'm not gonna send out SOS messages via twitter for your rescue this time.
He called some chick he used to fuck for cash to get food delivered to cheer me up
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
I SWEAR TO ALL THAT IS HOLY I HAVE NEVER WIPED MY GENITALIA ON ANY TYPE OF EMERGENCY RESPONSE VEHICLE!!
It seems that Coffee is the true alpha male.
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