Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
dude you have to find out what a girl's name is before you sleep with her. if her name is debbie she's boring, if her name is lauren she's an overrated hoebag, if her name is meagan she gived bad head.
I am too high to leave where I am...And they are listening to Stained. This is my living hell.
I have a drinking game planned. Were gunna watch empire records. Everytime they say rex manning we have to take a shot
I dont know, my roommate got arrested but I'm gunna get some tacos no matter what
Im drinking in homer but I guess Egan got arrestest on an "assault by water ballon" charge but tom actually threw the water balloon in question at the bartender.
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
passed out in the hallway last night, now I'm sitting down in the shower, eating lukewarm canned soup out of Tupperware, listening to Carly rae jepsen.. I had a rough night.
THERES A FUCKBOY IN MY PERSONAL SPACE
GET IT AWAY FROM ME IM ALLERGIC
Apparently I was walking around with a slice of bread and wine saying, "Jesus would have wanted this." 🙄 🍞🍷
WHY DON'T YOU WANT TO BE MY ESKIMO BRO
Just boned her on my desk. on top of my term paper. take that professor dipshit
then he said the sex was mediocre and that it was because of me. and that we could try again tomorrow.
it was 100% mediocre because of him, and we will 100% not be trying again tomorrow.
Randomize
