i may or may not be watching the land before time
Oh yes. The girl who wanted me to watch her pee.
question. what would be the least awkward way to ask your one night stand if he came inside of you because you would really prefer not to have his illegitimate lovechild. hypothetically.
he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
Her dress is practically falling off. It must know I'm here.
I'm not really sure what went on in my mouth last night but right now it tastes like what I can only imagine is a mixture of astroglide and peanut butter. You hungry?
That's the international "my vagina is unoccupied, come talk to us" chant. You have your mission. Go.
I love you. Happy valentines. Satin Patricks dayyyyyyyyyy. Alreadythrew up. Geeeeerait.
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
REALLY should have cleaned under my bed before I had my parents come help me pack...things my parents just found: several condoms and a bottle of lube. My mom when she found a condom: "ooo ribbed. Laura's a lucky girl"
As I was about to go to sleep he asked me if I was ready to 69. HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK AT HIM IN THE FACE OVER DINNER TOMORROW
Why is there uncooked bacon under my bed?
You insisted on taking it to bed with you. You grabbed it out of the fridge while mumbling "If I leave this out, you fuckers are just going to ruin it."
Next time you see his dad you should let him know you are now Eskimo brothers.
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
Only thing I have going for me is jacking off, weed, and saturdays
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