All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
I have a music final in an hour so I put all the classical songs we need to know in a shower power hour playlist, beer included.
I wonder if i could put a dildo on my bike seat to encourage me to exercise.
Did i actually sleep there? Or did i just get sand everywhere?
I had to break up with him he didn't understand my priorities. I'm sorry but Saturday nights are for pot and Doctor Who. I'm not going to change who I am.
As I was brushing his cum out of my hair he looks at me and says "it happens to me all the time."
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
Unfortunately, the Bilbo Baggins adventure side of me that likes to go on adventures appears to be losing to the side of me that likes to smoke weed in the bathtub and watch Workaholics.
Hooked up with an ex Playgirl model. I feel like the universe just high-fived me for staying sober.
I mean, I would have, but I couldn't come up with a logical reason to bring up oral sex during an orientation.
He just went to a job interview a sharpie moustache drawn on his face..
So hypothetically speaking.. say someone dropped their birth control pill in a hot bowl of soup, and it possibly disintegrated.. would it be just as useful?
My eye was non-stop itchy for like an hour... I thought burying my face in your ass caught up with me
Randomize
