Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
Does puking on your bio final mean I can retake it?
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
ATTN: We are officially 15 weeks from our annual "Get-Mega-Stoned-and-BBQ" event. Start saving up the proper supplies. That is all.
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
Scratch one off the douchebag bucket list. Just saw a guy in a sesame street tshirt and a tap out hat. Didn't get the memo that big bird's trying to get into mma.
he told me he could still feel the blowjob i gave him last year
wow. THAT good huh
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
too late I already started a fight with someone named luscious
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
Three Decembers later, I'm looking at this fuckin Santa lingerie I bought and just realized my stocking never got stuffed....
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".
When i was leaving for work this morning, i realized the neighbor was passed out drunk, with no pants, and a half eaten whopper on my lawn. Knowing that hey..we have all been there before.. i decided to give him a pillow and a blanket rather than wake him up.
Had a dream last night where I asked you how your Christmas was and your response was, “sex, man. Just lots and lots of sex.”
Good god. A spell so dry your friends actually commit it to their subconscious!
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