I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
I want to drop kick Stephanie Meyer
you spelled her name wrong
not you too!!
She was narrarating everything she did.. like while making toast.
I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
I know. She seems like she getting that "need some dick" restlessness. Might explain the feisty attitude
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
Im shrooming at the foot of a tree on top of a mountain. Feeling fly as fuckin socrates and bon iver.
I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
Whatever you didn't send me pics of you topless making bacon
Fairly certain I cracked a rib. Masturbation is not for the weak. I die now.
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
then she lifted her dress, tweaked her own nipples, and then ordered another round for everyone. this place is wild at 9pm.
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
Randomize
