btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
so then they started chanting "LET'S GET A LITTLE BIT SCHWASTED. S-H-W-...WASTED!" theres nothing like partying with former high school cheerleaders
you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
I'm still amazed at how you managed to puke in every plant on the whole top floor at the mall without a single person noticing and without missing a step.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we had to stop you from eating moldy cake.. twice.
I wouldn't necessarily say I'm in her pants...I'd say I'm more on the on ramp to the freeway to the long way to her pants. There really isn't a short cut.
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
I just formed the "shit on a tree in Chicago club." And I feel awful about it.
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
WAIT this kid is eating yogurt with a fucking ladle. what is happening?
But once you are just right and I work my tongue in the right spots and hot wax your balls and inner thighs. I will have you right where I want you.
Who is this?
Oops wrong number
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
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