You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
this morning my mom told me to get a new vibrator because mine was too loud last night
i fell asleep watchin iron chef that was the blender she heard. i dont even own a vibrator
Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
I'm pregaming for my hair cut. Working two jobs definately taught me how to use my time wisely...
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
I think you have the right to know, the water bottle you drank out of the other night is the bottle we use to catch what drips from the toilet. Love you!
Whos eating a bunch of acid and watching fireworks tomorrow? This guy. Thats who.
first thing my tuition money buys is a strap on
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
Have you considered sword swallowing? Something about that bj tells me you could make a it a career.
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
Was that before, or after strip tac toe.....
Mid thrust, say hold on I need a pic for my friend.
Randomize
