why do all the strippers look like they came from fraggle rock
we've already established he's totally wasted. but now he's just sitting at his computer, doing i don't know what, and he keeps saying "dammmn girl" in a really low whisper
Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
Thanks for telling my landlord that the poop stain was yours and not my secret dog.
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
Please come back. She just stuck her bloody band-aid to Zach's face, has a fire extinguisher, and is talking about tornados hiding.
Two dudes. Loud music. Dancing shirtless possibly naked. Why would I ever need cable?!
after she rolled over and said 'i'm so glad you're like my gay best friend, love you' then left. did i just get friendzoned AFTER sex??
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
I'm gonna go ahead and say I love our drinking habits but anytime we roundhouse a 750 of Schnapps on the way to a non competitive bowling league we might have problems
So here's a brief summary of my weekend: last night I drank four glasses of Death Punch, grabbed the toaster, said "This is mine", put it in my pants and walked out the front door.
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
Randomize
