i don't know her name but she is cooking me brkfst then helpin me find my car.
she hot?
i don't wanna talk about it
Yeah, i don't remember peeing. or meeting the girl.
i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
In case you were unaware playing with rabbits on ecstasy is the greatest thing ever. I feel like I'm ODing on adorable right now.
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
That does it. We're drinking til we're pirates.
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
I'm beginning to think that women just have dogs at home as an excuse to leave ASAP after hooking up, without sounding like a typical guy.
I had to google some of the kinky sex shit she was telling me she was into.
If that is not a reason to propose to her then I don't know what is
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
U sent me lyrics to wind beneath my wings
My liver misses your liver
He was a Cher impersonator. They are the draggest of queens
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
I’m photoshopping my boobs to up my Tinder game. I need better dick in 2020
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
Randomize
