I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad
I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
as i creep her facebook pics from back in the day till now, i noticed that her lazy eye has gotten better
but then the words kidney pain and possible testicle shrinkage kept ringing in my head
I just told a kid I was in a wheelchair because Santa shot me due to me being on the naughty list. You should have seen this little bastards face
Seriously-without actually meaning the statement for it's words- that made me want to put a baby in you.
I hate having to put a bra on before I go home cuz I have to pretend I actually went to class today
Wearing a shark mask, slugging tequilla, in cowboy boots, and not minding that my spandex is on backwards. What are you up to?
just found out that she named her cat after me.
Ever since I got to LA my dream self has been having sex with way too many rabbi's.
Are you going to regret this?
No I do t think so
Ok then he can enter the holy dorm temple.
was i wearing any clothes at that point?
socks and a thong
Masturbated while waiting for my face mask to dry, so it was a productive night.
You now have a new job. Call me around 1pm everyday and make sure I've eaten something. All I've had today is dick and cheesecake.
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
Randomize
