ran into someone who graduated hs with us while i was paying for booze in quarters. i love it when people from my past catch me in my classier moments.
69 is so not fun when his penis is sporting a 70s hairstyle
What I'm saying is Afghanistan is America's sexually contracted disease.
four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
Stop staring at my boobs, I can't concentrate
Well how do you think I feel
fair enough
ur not supposed to find someone to make out with when ur bf takes u to his SISTERS house to hang out with her and her husband
well I have to shit but I'm too hungover to push, and I snorted advil so I wouldn't have to swallow it and throw up.. hungover is an understatement.
it's almost 8pm and i'm still hungover. at what point do i alert someone?
At what point do you think my baptist preacher of a father will clue in that my brother "bringing a foreign exchange student" for thanksgiving means "bringing his european boyfriend and they'll probably fuck every night" for thanksgiving?
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
I'm taking a pole dancing class this morning. Can I put you down as my emergency contact? I'm NOT putting my mother
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
You were giving me all the reasons why being the big spoon is such a responsibility, and how you wish you were a girl cause the little spoon does nothing
If you can give me an orgasm, you'll get a trophy.
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