No, we're smoking outside. We're hot boxing the world.
oh fat girl friday strikes again...
turn left when you see the girl thats puking on the sidewalk. she hasnt been moving much so she makes a good street marker
The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
I had to throw up. it was the only way to avoid kissing her after she swallowed..
I JUST HAD PHONE SEX. WHILE TAKING A BATH. FOR AN HOUR. EATING A PLATE OF BURRITOS. TOP THAT SHIT.
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
You are right. The scrape marks on her ass are from her breaking the doggy door by crawling through it.
Chris threw beer can at guy. Guy ended up being a fighter. Chris got his eye socket broke. Fighter got hand re-broke. Chris is passed out. Fighter is in kellys bed. everybody won last night. I think.
At our floor meeting the RA was talking about bathroom hygiene and I really wanted to be like "what about shower sex."
Valid question
I just had to take my laptop away from him because he was on Amazon and had 20 Seahawks garden gnomes in his cart.
I'm back in the dating scene now... Since the legality issue calmed down. And my stalking charges were dropped.
I used the light from the first guy's text notification to be able to snapchat the second guy in the dark. I am too good at juggling guys.
lets go to sea world and you can just hit on every guy in a wetsuit until you get lucky
Ok I'm drunk as fuck already at 529 and this waitress started flirting with me, I wanna bang her for acknowledging my existence
Randomize
