just saw 2 fat kids fight for the last slice of pizza. Litteraly fight. God Bless America
I'm not a creep or anything, just a lost soul looking for a good lay
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
the cops didn't wanna shut the tailgate down but the strippers weren't allowed to take money without a license or somthing
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
Apparently we both projectiled on Erin at the same time.
That's some true roommate bonding right there.
Slutty costumes are my most sacred holiday tradition! Wearing a not-slutty costume is like putting cheezwiz on a communion wafer.
Hell hath no fury like a woman whose gay sidekick you insult
Oh ya, I forgot to tell you, last night I woke up to the sound of you peeing on the floor next to the fridge, didn't remember until now. Have fun at Dayton!
You have ruined sex with him for me. Now all I think is "boy scout" and I want to go home
I changed his contact info to "NO" and a picture of satan
I have chicken nuggets, lube and brand new batteries, he can stay at work charting all weekend for all I care, I'm set.
Is it sad to eat a candy bra by yourself?
Your dick is the only reason I have motivation to come back to school today
Oh the sweet dreamless sleep of drugs
You? On what? Why?
Randomize
