So just talked to them hahah i like that people sat there and watched as you two made out... They said they even had to refill their beers
Little spoons don't ask big questions
my little sister told my dad she found willy wonka's golden ticket in the backseat of my car. now my dad knows my boyfriend uses magnums.
i just heard her through the wall saying "not on my face! NOT on my face!" then a scream and "I SAID NOT ON MY FACE!!!"...nice work dude.
oh, it's pms. I almost cried yesterday bc my roommates didn't seem perky enough when I got home.
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
I just took my birth control with a water bottle I found in my purse with vodka in it in Spanish class. 10am is still too early for me.
Putting a breathalyzer in a bar is a horrible idea. But I won
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
It looked like his dick was wearing an argyle sweater.
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
This means I've slept with 2 ppl that live in vans...my life is complete
Remember that guy I fucked last month? Well I'm watching his dog this weekend while he's in the Bahamas with his girlfriend. What is my life
Is it awkward to pay for your boob job with scholarship money? Either way, it's happening.
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