my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
I just put anything in between my legs and hope for the best.
she's sitting on the other side of the room at this party. with her smirnoff tucked in that little opening between her cleavage and shirt. drinking from a straw. snapping her fingers off beat.
it's love
tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
He wants to hookup..at the fair..this is our chance to leave him stranded with no clothes.
I don't know. Something about answering "what did you do on Sunday?" Seems odd when the reply is, painted, went to the grocery store, put a restraint device on my bed.
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
She's not allowed to do acid anymore... she started crying because she thought she was an eagle.
Randomize
