I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
Fact: Godrick looks like David Archuleta
I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Make sure to show her the sewer we were arrested in on your tour.
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
Her facebook status said "just got a sign from god". I texted her and apparently she found a slice of pizza in the shower.
You almost married that.
I just let my hand run under cold water for five minutes. I couldn't stop staring at it and the only things I could think about were how amazing it felt, how cool water was, and what a wonderful world it is that we live in. Reasons why I don't smoke...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Remember, ur body isn't a visitors center
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
My cats name is now jello shot. How much do you love me right now?
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
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