I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
was his dick as big as our hopes and dreams?
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
She was kinda cute. So long as you don't mind neck tattoos and bad life choices.
Hate you missed the after party, I was covered in dish soap gliding bare assed down a slip n slide at 6:30 this morning
It's after midnight. I didn't find the answer to my problem, but I did find the bottom of a bottle of vodka, so... there's that.
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
Apparently, acid is a good substitute for cash if you don't have any! Who knew?
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
you know my pussy doesn't know between good and evil
I just wiped my butthole and there was glitter down there.
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