Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
sorry about last night, I don't know what happened but I woke up this morning and looked strikingly similar to courtney love, it had to be bad.
I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
She told me to wait on the sofa while she freshened up. She's been in the bathroom for an hour. I have a bad feeling about this.
I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
whatever buzz i had immediately ended when i saw her run through a sliding glass door
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
welp wont be popping out a kid with a beret. frenchie is gone and the mother nature showed herself. bilingual kid can be erased from the bucket list
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
I'm not gay but if a lesbian wants to eat my box out I'm not gonna say no to someone who knows what they're doing.
Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.
So apparently dinosaur erotica does, in fact, exist.
I accidentally made jungle juice last night.
I feel like you should store your weed in something that suits your personality. For example mines in a hollowed out disney princess book.
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
Randomize
