I fell asleep on the toilet again last night...
apparently, "please pick me up from the airport" also means "i got drunk on the flight and need to give you roadhead in broad daylight"
Fuck appropriateness.
I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
You seriously looked at the house acorss the street and implied that you thought they had nice Easters.
The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
When I got up in the middle of the night, puked in his trash can, and snuck out the front door, I pretty sure he knew it was over.
So, just in case you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.. Sam is asleep in the first stall.
So Bodhi just sent me a pic of someone's balls with a message that says "I hope you all have a ballin' night." I don't even know what level of friendship to call this anymore.
Oh my god.
The ballsiest level.
THE CEO RESPONDED TO THE MEMO WITH HIS "UNICORN" EMAIL ADDRESS AND NOW HE'S APOLOGIZING TO EVERYONE FOR USING HIS PERSONAL EMAIL AT WORK.
I just want to be like i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
When I was sick she came over with Call of Duty, animal crackers and a handjob. Honor says I can't dump her until Easter
I’m home.
I’m aware. I just dropped you off.
Randomize
