I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
Well I found you sipping ron diaz out of a child's dinosaur cup while sticking your fingers in the guy's fish tank and watching the "pirahnas" snap at your finger and laughing
I just ate a can of beans for dinner so I can afford to go get a 5$ bottle of wine. I really did not think these choices would still be necessary at age 25.
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
Dude I'm about to just roll over and piss off the side of my bed, rather than make the conscious effort to get up and walk to the bathroom. One of those hangovers.
You can't play that off as role play thing. You held my hips and kept yelling "put a baby in me!" That shit ain't cool.
Technically ya I did. Hes tried to get down my pants like 3 times now and every time I have been all "these are not the Droids you are looking for"
well theres no bloody mary mix at the campus bookstore so i dont even know what its good for
Morning fuck and a coffee. ARE YOU READY TO CONQUER THE GALAXY WITH ME??
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
First. I had the strength. Now. I am the death.
She can be as judgemental as she wants. But she thinks the female orgasm is a myth so who is really winning here...
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
Wait wait wait. You are actually taking advice from this lunatic?
This is the girl who got a balloon full of cocaine through security no questions asked. Of course I'm taking her advice.
Valid.
They tricked me into going into that room by saying we'd smoke a bowl and then they all proceeded to have an intervention with me about my love life.
Randomize
