So how did finding that girl you know on GGW go?
I was so pissed when it just previews her all covered up. It would have been easier to just have sex with her
Yeah but then you would have a case of genitals gone wild
She texted me and said she was fingering herself. Don't respond to this because she's the perfect girl. I'd love to smell her cell phone after that.
I assume you meant to text someone else on your contact list instead of your own mother...
the last thing i remember is ordering pitchers of white russians....
Man, jail baloney is awful.
i don't think my dad can get all that mad since he got arrested for almost exactly the same thing last weekend
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
Great. Woke up in Ts room wearing one sock, a glove and a beret with a sorrority chick CLEARLY out of my league. Jose Cuervo you ARE a friend of mine.
Someone fucked up, the stop Kony day is on 4/20,
My phone broke again .... im not really sure how im going 2 explain the teeth marks to the ppl at the Verizon store
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
I told you when I started the only reason I was gonna coach your kids soccer team was that I could meet all the hot soccer moms. So why are you so mad I slept with your ex?
LOL he's a hopeless romantic now? 🤔 I'd say giving him a bj in a freakin softball dugout isn't the most romantic thing but it still happened
I'm a stupid stupid woman who is totally going to rock this holiday season dick drunk on that Ginger
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
He jerked off some dude with a slice of Wonder Bread.
The sports guy?
Yeah. They claimed the bread made it hetero
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