haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
If I saw her on the street and didn't know about the two of them, I would think the only way she'd ever find love was if she somehow found her way to middle earth and an orc took her in
the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
I had a new years resolution not to be a whore anymore, but I think I'm gonna wait till 2011
I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.
Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
High enough to fry lime slices.....tasted like shit, by the way
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
So befoe we go on this mission how reliable are you for bailing peope out of jail
Sober Sundays just aren't working out anymore.
Mission get my tooth back and find a new dick to ride starts after i sleep for the first time in 2 days.
you're usually drunk when you offer. there's one time you called me, told me not to dye my hair red, and asked if i wanted to see your tits.
Shhhh less advice, more soothing words and dirty phrases
You have the most beautiful penis I've ever seen. I never thought penises were meant to be beautiful, but you proved me wrong
Is it still sex if there's no nudity, no orgasms, but the neighbors bang on the wall and ask you to stop? I've honestly forgotten.
Randomize
