i saw a guy balancing a black cat on his head last nite
get a pic
i tried he was too far away anotherguy was walking with paper bags on his feet explain that
i want ur life
we've already established he's totally wasted. but now he's just sitting at his computer, doing i don't know what, and he keeps saying "dammmn girl" in a really low whisper
Motor boating, judging by the amount of lipstick I found I would say between 6 to 8 times
yo everyone went to the hospital last night
Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
Found my phone laying in a snow angel outside my apt this morning.
i think this is the gayest thing you've ever shown me. and i'm pretty sure you've sent me pictures of a dude sticking his dick in a horse's nose.
Me too it's so nice. Debated studying out there but woulda been 90% babe-watching 5% flexing 3% studying and 2% talkin my boners down.
Do you think you're physically and mentally capable of killing me? Because I'd really appreciate it.
Everyone was soo nice and genuine.. Then again it coulda just been the drugs.
So by "wait for me" do you think he meant "Don't have sex with random dentists?"
Conference sex doesn't count if the dentist doesn't know your name.
Bro, she said she wanteo to fuck me with my white Nike cap on so I resemble a douchebag. I think my choice of women might be coming into question
I finally got my restraining order in the mail. Was that supposed to upset me? I'm just over here like "TELLEM BOY BYE!-\nlegally..."
If he flies out here I will sleep with him. I have morals, but not when it comes to southern accents
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