Ok so my english teacher told me i could have 5 absences bc of my "problem". I have no idea what she is talking about
I just wnated to let you know that I laminated my history notes so i can study in the shower.
Dude. I tried to convince her to eat poprocks and give me a blowjob. It did not work out well.
Met some locals. They are taking me to a place where there is topless bullriding. I love this country.
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
She cheated on me with the same state trooper that wrote me a ticket.
I guess now you have a way to keep your license when you bring that up in court.
Dude, you are the most awesome.
Just saw identical twins riding scooters. Today is not real who the hell rides a scooter anymore
TGIFridays...stall number 1...drunk...send help
I kinda took a step back after our "surprise bottles night"
This country song on the radio just had a rap break. What. No. Why.
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
My husband was abducted by a group of disco dancers in the parde and danced off down the street. If you see him, tell him to Hustle on home and clean the cat box. #MardiGras
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
Randomize
