My morning has consisted of lying in a fetal position, eating a whole tub of ben and jerry's, talking to my cat, and setting all of our pictures on fire. Does that answer your question?
I am so high I am beginning to unironically like Vanessa Carlton.
he is so annoying
so stop sleeping with him
yeah but he is so hot when i'm drunk
Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
I didnt realize til after I got out of her apartment and into the lobby that we lived in the same building.
i just opened up my bathroom cabinet to get deodorant and found 4 bottles of natty. Its like the world wants me to miss this interview
I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
Was this before, or after you took my brand new bag of shredded cheese, and "Made it rain"?
All I'm saying is that whoever owned the wheelchair clearly didn't need it or they wouldn't have been able to leave it there
Holy christ fuck what has my trainwreck of a life come to just blew a 17 year old so help me god
Ssssssssssshhhhhhhhhhhiiiiiiii!iiiiiiiiiitttttttttttttttssssssssssssshhhhhhhhooooooooowwwwwww. Letters for emphaSSIIISISEEEE!
HEAR YE, HEAR YE! BY ROYAL DECREE, I WILL BE KNOCKING ON YOUR DOOR AT 2PM UNLESS YOU GET THE FUCK UP. IT'S 1:50. CIGARETTE TIME, BITCH. I LOVE YOU.
dude my grandma just called my dealer. How does this shit happen to me
What's with guys asking if I wanna "kick it" like I'm some fucking 19 year old
Randomize
