Left my ID again and at a Giant's game. This is the second time they accepted my handgun safety certificate as proof of ID to buy beer.
Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
Just woke up. I have a "Detective Jacob Arnold's" business card in my pocket.
Our cab driver just admitted to beating up kids in the 60's who didn't smoke pot...
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
GET OVER HERE. HOTTIE ALERT
^^^This is why you should have charged your phone prior to going out.
my mom called me mid shot and i accidentally answered and kept calling her my own name. somehow i thought that would help the situation.
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
Aside from having sex with a rando in a toga on george's couch i think taking plan b in the library is the most hashtag college thing i've ever done
Cocaine is ok on a cleanse, right?
His acid is intense dude. I was just over at his place laughing about the hole in the wall I was convinced was a cat
He is saved in her phone as Sir. Mindfuck <3/ vag cleaner of course I need to meet him.
I got locked into my place today. You might be wondering if that was a typo... It's not.
He ate me out in a golf cart while I watched the sunset. You are so right, golf skirts do provide amazing access.
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