I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
you just can't say no to drugs on a mirrored table.
i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
I'm still amazed at how you managed to puke in every plant on the whole top floor at the mall without a single person noticing and without missing a step.
I was tackling you out of excitement
Yeah thank goodness the stripper pole was there to break my fall.
Well I blew a guy I barely know in full view of a homeless camp. That's pretty tame for me.
I want to play lord of the rings tonight. And by that I mean get really drunk, potentially lost, and go trekking through the woods or climbing shit. I want all of you there. You are the fellowship. This is a mass text. I am insanely high.
I agree with that homeless guy though, you do need a haircut
Meeting him up for him to pay half of the Plan B was awkward but worth it cause I'm broke as fuck
When creating your wedding guest list do you put the girl you & your fiance had a threesome with under your friends or his friends?
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
She stood up through my sunroof the entire drive home. screaming her ass off and singing free falling..
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
Had a dream last night where I asked you how your Christmas was and your response was, “sex, man. Just lots and lots of sex.”
Good god. A spell so dry your friends actually commit it to their subconscious!
Randomize
