My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college
so i gave him head in the movie theater last night. thought we were alone til I heard the clapping from the other side of the theater after he'd finished.
My 10 year old son gave me a bottle of jameson for fathers day. Did you have something to do with this?
well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
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I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
He just asked me if he's allowed to flirt with me. That's how whipped he is.
I just had a very enlightening conversation with my hat. we need more of whatever the fuck that was.
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I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
I just traded a couple nudes for pizza delivery. Call me lazy, easy, or an entrepreneur, but either way I'll have dominoes in 15 minutes.
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
He just ate a tooth whitening strip...
That has got to be a joke. No human eats that much grass and lives to tell the tale.
its 4am. iam sitting in the luggage car of the train eating beef jerkey. i feel like a hobo.
dont insult. no hobo is as pathetic as you.
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