i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
Dude, Her having kids just means she puts out.
There's a girl n class drinking wine out of a taco bell cup. I can smell it.. it's totally reisling. JEALOUS.
Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
As it would turn out, "jesusssssss" is not the password to enter Faith Chapel's wifi network.
I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
That drug basically just makes anything that's in your mouth awesome
im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
in fingerprint form on my ass. Seriously not cool. \ni bruiiiseeee like a delicate fruiiiitttt. Heeeaaarrr the rythymmm
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
Her vagina was like a painting you can put your face in.
"I wonder if vinegar is some sort of magical hangover cure" "...no I was definitely still drunk and drinking vinegar because I was thirsty"
I am so sorry. Not sure for what, but whatever I did last night probably merits an apology, so I'm covering my bases.
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
Randomize
