All the good ones are taken. All that's left is the Harry Potter geek or the asshole in the corner. I think I'll settle for Harry Potter.
They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
She tased me when I walked in the door. Thought I was trying to steel her weed.
I thought about donating plasma but thats not the way i want to find out that i have aids
If this herpes test comes back negative I'm asking out the doctor.
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
Pros and cons of selling your underwear to a guy on craigslist. Go.
Come down off the roof.
I would have gladly let him decapitate me with the way he was biting on my neck.
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
this dude, we had a connection. he kept smiling at me. it's like he knew i was gonna facebook stalk the fuck out of him
Don't you judge us. Sockets make ideal bowls
Well I just put wine in my tea
He peed off the roof and then we bonded it was beautiful
When the theology professor asked me what touched me most about this trip to Rome, I guess "the guy from last night" wasn't the proper response.
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
Randomize
