honestly if we didnt hate the same people we would have a friendship based on nothing
just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
He said "ride me pocahontas" while I was on top of him last night
We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
Tell me about it. Running across highways take alot outta ya. When he found out, he was all "concerned" about it.
I'm hoping you were seen by someone holding a frozen turkey at 230 in the morning
Yeah we invited her back for chicken nugget sandwiches
Is it inappropriate to match with someone on tinder just to ask if the friend in his profile picture is single?
Sorry I didn't call this morning. Ended up with a decorated war veteran last night who besides finding the enemy, KNEW where the fuck my G spot was. He gets a medal in my book!
I am luring the porn star to my house with chicken!
The man built me a fort. Of course he got laid.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
High school drama coach is wasted and wanted me to tell you that I’m good at flip cup and you should be very proud of me
Where the hell are you
Randomize
