ive never been actively dumping during the pledge of allegiance before today...
She made me put my jeans under her mattress so that I wouldn't leave in the morning while she was still sleeping. Apparently I just look like "that guy".
just had to explain to the health center why i wanted 50 condoms a month.
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
I still have a scar from the last time she gave me a handjob. There is NO WAY i'll stick my dick anywhere near her again
The girls danced. I drank. Then I danced cause I was drunk. Then I ripped tim's shirt off cause I'm awesome.
I made him an O's fan. One pic of my tits coming out of a Baltimore shirt and it was done.
I think my greatest accomplishment today was probably using a bottle opener to get the cap off my fourth drink while holding the cat WITHOUT dropping him.
Oh god, what has my life become?
I went to a community college and majored in Bad Decisions. I'm not exactly a chick magnet.
I now have a other guy willing to drive 3 hours for my vagina. At my next gyno appointment I'm asking her if there's cocaine in there.
We have had more Sex in the past 48 hours then we have in the past 3 months. I think it was from me dressing up as Darth Vader.
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
Drunk me commented on almost all of her pictures. My favorite one is titled "be as the sea". My comment is "cold, rough, large and letting anyone come inside you. you accomplished." Guessing I'm not invited to the party anymore.
Randomize
