the bus pole looks like a man who feels guiltyty about something
I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
i forgot to tell you that olivia sent me a text yesterday that the mormon girl got caught with weed in her vagina at school
trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
She went off on a twilight/new moon tangent before we even got back to my room. i had to jump the ship and pretended to pass out on the sidewalk.
I don't have any swimsuits that don't show off the weird handprint bruises on my hips. Do you have a onepiece I can borrow?
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
Dude we smoked with a bunch of random stoners in a forest, then group hugged. It was the most magical thing we've ever done.
2017 is gonna be explosive... Already watching fireworks out the window while shit my brains out. Happy Ew Year
I am drunkenly riding a razor scooter up and down the hills of Cincinnati
What in the fuck are you doing with your life
I'm hungry and horny. DEADLY COMBINATION.
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
Randomize
