An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
it's like doing a sit-up... but, you're inside someone
He snuck into my grandmothers house, broke her lamp, fucked me, then had breakfast with us the next morning. I am an awful granddaughter.
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
she's fucked both of my roommates but not me. i feel like I'm not part of the group anymore
Just found out I made out with the 40 year old Captain of the boat at the barge party. On the bright side he let me drive the boat so at least there's that.
I mean metaphorically speaking, maybe we've all fucked on top of a frat house at some point in our lives
Thanks for fingering me to orgasm during Wu-Tang Clan
He's actually really cute and seems like a good guy. And given that he likes lots of drugs, he could come in handy.
All I want to do is drink an excessive amount of free alcohol bought from strange men, while taking frequent trips to the bathroom to snort an assortment of illicit drugs off dirty toilet seats. Break cannot get here quick enough...
I often worry that if I get famous, people from my past will recognize me and start talking to the media
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
Randomize
