Boner jamz table deep. plus bar deep. wiing waing.
I'm looking for sex. Do you know her?
nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
Using pokemon references during sexual acts is always a good idea.
He's stoned as shit, eating breakfast cereal and taking a dump. All while listening to dubstep. We may never understand him.
was i strangled at any point last night? or was his dick just that long
It felt like he was juggling my kidneys with the head of his penis... If you could even call it that, it was more like a lochness monster. Huge and mythical.
My only expectation is honesty. And three orgasms every time.
wait, how does the 20 year old one night stand pregnant girl have a superiority complex?
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
I woke up in someone's flat in Budapest and then got offered a free piercing before I left. Best. Hookup. Ever.
The best part about theater chicks is nothing is too cliche or out of line. I just fucked her Braveheart style in my entry way while saying goodbye.
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
Randomize
