I'm gonna have a badass scar
i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant
sunday morning discovery: something purple, smelly, and sticky my hair. any suggestions?
Also I'd like you to set a calendar reminder that goes off every day for you to take 2 minutes to think about what your life would be like without me.
So the name of the kid from the sponsor a child comercial popped into my head while I was masturbating this morning. Needless to say I will now be now be donating out of guilt.
At 2pm we are having a MANDITORY house meeting about last night. ALL must be in attendance!
I'd like to review the planning and execution of the party to determine how we hosted a naked party, to determine how we can have more.
You were so proud of your stupid "magic trick" but all you did was piss on the couch. don't talk to me for a few days.
Can you pick up from work today? There's a surprise for you on the bed and I haven't gone blind which is positive.
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila ans discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves.
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
YOU GOT ME SO DRUNKK
i got me so drunk!
Randomize
