the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
obviously he has no clue about college dating. it goes drunken sex then the 1st date
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
I just sat through a State Farm mortgage Insurance commercial to watch a Trick Daddy video. Is this the target audience they are going for here?
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
You went into the bathroom, got in the tub with a pillow, yelled "this isn't as comfortable as it looks in the movies" then passed out
This is a hot dog holiday. I intend to do my part for the processed meat workers of this great union.
Is it still sex if there's no nudity, no orgasms, but the neighbors bang on the wall and ask you to stop? I've honestly forgotten.
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
Randomize
