I just took a dump by candlelight. I feel like a pilgrim.
My friend is getting herself a tramp stamp that says "property of the half blood prince".
she broke up with me using backstreet boy lyrics
you deserved it if you knew it was backstreet boys.
the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
Ja rule starts his prison sentence today #3475th reason we should drink tonight
I need to stop getting so excited when a guy unzips his pants and its bigger than my boyfriends. I look like a kid in a candy store.
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
Taylor Swift needs more songs about threesomes. I'm not sure she gets me anymore.
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
you must be at least a level 5 friend to unlock my sexual orientation
If she gets mad at me, that only means more free time for me. I like to put myself I win win situations. Despite being in a relationship, I still find ways to accomplish my goals.
I've literally slept one hour I'm honestly just surprised you can insult me this early
i read his ps3 instant messaging thing... he's meeting a guy to have sex. i think your boyfriend's gay
I put on a face mask and masturbated for an hour... my face now has a green tint
Pandemic Silver Lining: cheap hotel rates makes it easier to have afternoon fun with my side dick
Randomize
