She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
I heard you aren't going to graduate...that suck sorry bro
I heard your girlfriend is trying to spread swine flu because she wants to wear one of those masks to cover up her broke ass teeth
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
how do I tell the students with a crush on me, that yes, I am open to receiving blowjobs in exchange for grades?
I dont think he was a real cab driver. I think he was just a creepy guy with a van.
considering I showed up there after a xanax, 2 bottles of champagne and some coke, no shirt and someone else s husband... I'm sure you can figure that one out.
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
idk, it started getting weird when they were looking up videos of lesbian giraffes
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
If you ever wanna get tagged teamed, army guys are pretty open to it. Write that down for future reference.
I've somehow found myself in an emotionally abusive relationship with a married man who gives me drugs.
My life is quickly turning into a Lifetime movie.
I just stood beside an Amish man and bought Cocoa Krispies and tampons.
we panicked because we couldn't find you anywhere, but then we found you tripping in the bathtub with Marie's cat. there was no water. you thought there was water, though.
Randomize
