finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
even iPhones love lady gaga. everytime I type haha it trys to correct it to gaga. this is bullshit...
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
who were those guys at the table sniffing dryer sheets?
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
I just won a riveting game of "who can drink the most vodka out of a hollowed out watermelon". Fucking New Yorkers.
So I went to daintily fall onto my bed like I was in a hotel commercial and I completely missed my matress and landed on my floor. Just thought u should know.
I bet the guy on the treadmill next to me with the noise-canceling headphones wishes he could trade them for smell-canceling noseplugs. Hard to believe that last one did not involve any pants-shitting on my part.
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
We're lying on the pavement outside of the college. No one has asked if we're okay. I think they all understand.
he was wearing a widestriped red gingham suit jacket with complete sincerity im not surprised she beat the shit out of him
Umm...sounds like a maybe. I broke my nose and have surgery next wed but if I'm ok by Friday I'm down.
On a brighter more disgusting note...... I think I just shart myself but I'm too afraid to find out.
Randomize
