The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
So what's the verdict on pumpkin smoothies with vodka? I puked.
My mom just invited me to come with them on their honeymoon to Mexico this summer. And I got a Bump-It in my stocking.
Pass the awkward sauce please.
I'm drowning in it here
If I had cancer, and got to make a wish, id make the organization force your dad to fuck me.
She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
I don't know how I'm going to know it's her, I only know what she looks like with a wig on
SHE COULD ALREADY BE HERE AND I WOULDN'T EVEN KNOW
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
Is it okay to get drunk at a baby shower? ....asking for a friend
I found out he hated a girl that I hate so I fucked him. My reasons for fucking guys are getting bad.
Randomize
