but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
i was concerned by what you said you would do for a snickers. It wasn't even a Klondike bar.
the majority of my texts from you are at 3 AM & consist of either "I'm drunk", "you're asian", or "bratwurst"
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
Just remembered when I bought that round of shots I told the girls to "get their whore friend" who was making out with her bf instead of drinking. I don't know why they stayed.
I just got peed on. This karma circle is starting to get vicious.
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
We hooked up and then we watched game of thrones while he fed me chocolate. I don't see how our benafriendship is a bad thing.
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad
AND I HAVE A NICE COCK! A STRIPPER TOLD ME SO IT MUST BE TRUE!
Basically one minute I'm sucking on her nipples and then 45 mins later we're at work and she's my boss.
Well I just saw a fully naked man doing a headstand in a cooler of ice water.
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
Apparently stoned me thought eating chips in the shower was a good idea.
Randomize
