Can't talk. I'm at the Tulsa Sheriff's office with a bunch of rednecks. I bet I'm the only one that voted for Obama.
I bet you're the only one who could read the ballott.
can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
i think my mom would be mad if i was pregnant. last time i was she grounded me for a week.
im trying to find a facebook picture of him that doesnt make me regret sleeping with him. its not working
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
You told the entire smokers deck that you were blowing .08 now and anyone else willing later
Sorry I got completely naked in your bed, but I feel our friendship has grown because of it.
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
found my cat trying to steal a lighter to hide away for himself. cat what are you doing. don't pocket my lighter.
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
Randomize
