dude on moped wearing crocs...somebody get this guy his man card back
There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
I want him to be my next love. So I'm taking it slow
As in ill only blow him next week
He once got bit in the face by a dog and still got laid the same night. He owns Memorial Day Weekend
Im on the side of I-10 covered in sweat, cookie dough, hollandaise sauce, onion gravy, and ground beef wondering how my life I ended up here
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
Toppless hop-scotch needs to become a competitive sport
Just keep in mind that she didn't start telling you you had the largest penis she had ever seen until AFTER she found out about your multi-million-dollar trust fund.
Dad danced with a girl half his age and her boyfriend just sat at the bar and waited for dad to be done. I bought pity nachos.
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
All I remember is receiving a lap dance to slow motion.
I think our maternal nature is best focused on grown ass men and cats.
I had to remind him last night as he had his arm around me, "We hook up, we don't cuddle!"
I'm sitting in the hospital with him while he's still half drunk with a busted leg because he thought he could do parkour off a rock
Randomize
