My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
so i told him i still liked him. he laughed
well, your crazy. what did you expect?
we've started having sober sex
you really do like him
She hadn't heard about the oil spill. She gave dumb blondes a whole new standard to aim for. I did her anyway...but that isn't the point.
You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
Also I am throwing a blaZer over what I wore to bed and calling it an outfit.
Never thought an ATM max withdrawal could be such a good thing...
Well yeah. But im not sure i trust the black out drunk high girl giving life advice
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
So I was at my annual OBGYN appointment and when she saw the bruises on the inside of my thigh she asked if I had been horse back riding...I think my burst of laughter then awkward silence answered the question for me.
He ate me out in a limo while we were driving home. I love bars being open again!
Randomize
