Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
yeah, i liked him til i heard he had a sac that could apparently smother my face.
I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
Have u Seen that eharmony commercial where the guy goes " I don't know how I could love her anymore, but tomorrow I will'. Yeah that guy should kill himself
It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
It was romantic. He brought over a bottle of Jack to celebrate us becoming official on Facebook. Definitely a story for the grandkids.
im honestly just eating salsa and looking at his penis
malibu coconut giveth, and malibu coconut taketh away
My mom just invited me to come with them on their honeymoon to Mexico this summer. And I got a Bump-It in my stocking.
Pass the awkward sauce please.
I'm drowning in it here
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
We took a walk on the beach after the bar, he held my hand and kissed me. And then I peed under a lifeguard stand. It was so romantic.
What happened last night?
Lets just say you asked me a couple times if you had eyeballs..
uh why is my bathtub filled with kool aid? or is that blood?
We made a blanket fort in my dorm room and fucked in it. Twice. I'm in love.
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