how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
well hello there hangover. fancy meeting you here on this BRIGHT thursday morning.
heading to class now, facing the weekend consquences
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
Wors thing about having a cop dad: random drug testing
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
No dude, he just dipped his cigarette info ranch dressing and lit it. He's said he normally doesn't do that but it's Memorial Day.
I'm having post-experience "why didn't I fuck her in a public bathroom" regrets
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
For a guy who won't fuck me, your dick is out a lot when we talk.
My vibrator turned on under my pillow when I was taking a nap this morning... I nearly shit my pants.
He made a group chat with him, his wife, & I. Is this really life!??
Randomize
