I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
i want to major in coloring with an emphasis on crayons.
so finals studying is going well?
She is chewing on staples and spitting them at her cat, I think it's time to leave..
I'll be a little late, "getting ready for the party" turned into "smoking a bowl and doing lines in my room for an hour and a half." But I'm on my way now. With coke. And weed.
Februarys looking very promising in the vaginal department
im in the post action - pre consequence stage.
I JUST HAD A FLASH MEMORY OF DOING A SHOT OF WHISKEY WITH MY BEER YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PUNCH ME IN THE FACE TO PREVENT THAT FROM HAPPENING.
Only three months past my 21st and I'm done. So many life lessons in so little time.
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
I just explained my sex life to the "if you give a moose a muffin" book... Is that weird?
Aaaaaaand, there's the title of my second book. "One Dick. Six Angles."
Well thank god i want six autographed copies
I sharted in my christmas pjs :(
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
Apparently his ex was into edging and did it to him so much that it takes forever for him to cum
I hate you and your multiple orgasm sexcapades
Randomize
