Had a 3 sum last night, and today food just taste better and the air seems so much fresher!
what about "I will fuck you for a jamba juice" do you not understand?
i officially have more pictures of his dick than pictures of us together
Hurricane Earl: Get Blown party at my house friday! Byob: bring your own bitch/booze. Must have 80s blown hair style, kazoo/noise maker (vuvuzelas/airhorns are allowed), and/or bubble wands. \n
Why am I even shocked you're doing this....
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
Desperately trying not to throw up over the side of the ferry back to CT. Can't be the first one of the season.
You stumbled in the house, mumbled something about a cheese party, grabbed a block of cheese and the whiskey, and left.
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
Last time we had an ultimatum like that, things went very far south. I'm down, but it's your turn to wake up in a hospital.
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
We are in Florida for 3 days. The people in charge of shit brought: a waffle maker, a cheese grater and a SEWING MACHINE
AND NO VODKA
I'm going to blackout. I realize this
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
Randomize
