I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
You need to find a way to go down on me and lick my toes at the same time
I'll google it
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
Its 6am and I'm sitting on the couch watching Clifford. Crying into my risotto because emily elizabeth helped the girl in the wheelchair get over her stagefright so she can win a trophy. Never drinking alone again.
There's going to be a pool, lightsabers and alcohol. What could go wrong?!
Thats not how it works. You get the Rachel, and then Rachel kicks you out. Don't linger or try to cuddle, its just pathetic and makes me look down on you and your penis
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
I just replaced the poop spray with an air horn... Now we wait!
I changed his contact info to "NO" and a picture of satan
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
Is it bad I use my AA meeting to hookup with guys?
Just a little. Like do I say "hey I'm the girl that's fucking your son, nice to meet you"
all I remember the next morning was crawling through the doggy door and finding my underwear in my purse
you were so high you just watched the elf.... its spring
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