There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
There comes a time in every girls life when she must use her boobs for good instead of evil.
Your pregnant arnt you
We're not too concerned with getting her out of jail. We're on a mission for donuts.
I'm drinking red wine & feeding anchovies to the dog. I'm really not picky about what kinda of company I'm in.
For the love of God you used a 40 foot extension cord to bungee jump out the off the 2 nd floor
We all told you to throw up but you just stuck your head in the toilet and screamed..
And then he tried to clean the throw up off my pants with 409
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
This morning I got out of bed 4 HOURS LATE, made eggs with a plastic beach shovel, and then ate them using pens like chopsticks in my bed with my turtle. Obviously, I am not in the mood to be proactive with my life today...
You got Broadway Drunk, dude. I haven't heard you sing "Music Of The Night" like that since the last time I was holding you up on the way to the subway at two in the morning.
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
I WANT BLOOD. HERS. I WILL DYE A FABULOUS PAIR OF SUEDE PUMPS RED WITH HER BLOOD.
On cleanup... i've counted 94 solo cups so far.. oh, and i found a miniature top hat in the microwave
Let me call you later. I’m lining up some office dick now that working at home is ending
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