just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
Enough with studying for finals. Time to put that my little pony coloring book to use.
White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So I went outside my house this morning and basically my entire front lawn is covered in gummi bears... I think that involves you guys.
As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
Do you think a former stripper/heroin addict constitutes as a high risk sexual partner?
So getting drunk in honor of the bomb threat is legit right?
Worst walk of shame everrr. Hopefully the thought of me walking 20 minutes in the freezing cold with someone else's sweatpants, a bra on & high heels will cheer you up today.
Oh god there are people jogging. Fuck off productive people, you don't know me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I mean, yeah, she was cheating on me but I've been fucking her brother. My secret relationship trumps her secret relationship.
Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session
all I'm saying is if you're gonna fuck a fat chick do it in a pool it's like zero gravity or something
how did you graduate high school
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
That was the second worst thing to happen to my asshole.
Lol for real, I'm Kylie Jenner "this is my year of realizing things" right now
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