Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
i feel like his penis is a security blanet. i cant fall asleep unless its in my hand
We convinced him to snort an altoid. We should not be allowed to drink together
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
you kept looking at stripers and saying " Go to College"
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
Post a pic on facebook and see if those same 46 girls find shitting in the bed handsome and adorable
We hit a golf ball off Brady's ass. His dignity flew away into the night.
He broke into my house just to tell me the door was locked.
He made a playlist to use during sex...that ended with The Ultimate Warrior's entrance music.
tried to suck my ex boyfriends dick last night at a bar... Happy homecoming from me to you
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
He started planning our future mid-hookup. You tell me how my night was.
If I shall die, I wish to bequeath to you my personal library, my sigma tau delta presidency and all it's apparel, and a puppy.
I finally selected an outfit that says "I'm not easy" but still shows off the tittays.
Randomize
