He still wants to giggity, regardless of his girlfriend. So...I guess I'm happy again.
that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
He managed to light the Jello on fire...
I five year old is judging me because I just opened a bottle of Sam Adams with my teeth before 8am
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
I even tried crushing up viagra and putting it in his beer... And the next day he found the package on the counter. I told him it was for my friends husband.
I world jack off literally anyone now that I'm not related to.
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
I actually want to work out for some reason... I think it's my brains way of telling me it doesn't like living in a fat body.
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
So, I'm about to take my pants off in the Walmart parking lot, when am old lady parks next to me. I'm all the way in the back next to the semis. What the hell?
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
Waffles and pussy, what else is there?
Dude get over here. Steven brought super soakers filled with colored vodka.
all I remember is them saying he had a big dick and the next thing I know I’m leaving with him
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