some dude just recognized me causeg he had a pic of us making out onvhis phone
Hahaha, sighhhh...I texted him to no response. It's a shame, really...I would gladly exchange my body for pizza rills.
She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
you don't understand, he speaks spanish and is tall. i have to do him.
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
He busted his lip while trying to keep from passing out in the pool. The hotel people don't seem to be too concerned that we're passing around a bottle of SoCo at 11 am.
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
You know for a guy who frequently jumps into stuff without thinking it through, your can do spirit is lacking on this one
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
Randomize
