Suite mates just came in and said that we have to go to Africa. They're already packed. Didn't know you could get that high.
I can totally hide my daquiri in my sling.
I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys.
She either was great at sex or I finished the whole bottle of svedka my self
The walls are thin & apartments are narrow so all the bedrooms are next to each other. Our complex could compete in synchronized orgasms.
Remember that night I drank a bunch of vodka, pounded your Jameson because 'you were a pussy', punched you in the face and ran off as fast as my high heels could go? It was just my Russian and Irish sides fighting for genetic dominance
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
I kept having to give myself encouraging advice like, "you know how a path works"
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
I just twinged a muscle in my shoulder trying to hug myself. In the world of loneliness-based injuries, this is a new low for me.
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
She just kept feeding people pretzels and sayying "You're such a good goldfish."
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
We could have fun in a cardboard box. Think of the damage we could do at an amusement park!
Randomize
