i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
And your hair- I'd make sure to pee on it first.
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
He was like a foghorn with a huge penis.
You were outside the bathroom the gay guy was puking in, screaming "IT GETS BETTER!" over and over again. Good message, poor execution.
My drug dealer just texted me that his kid had a rough sleep and was running late to deliver the ounce to my office. Totes adorbs.
She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
You then showed up downstairs in only a robe, telling everyone how you were "the most chivalristic fratstar ever."
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
he won't tell me his last name, but I know his garage key code
SOMETIMES YOU HAVE TO BLAST VANESSA CARLTON IN YOUR CAR AT MIDNIGHT TO FEEL AGAIN. IDK.
I dont remember you getting a condom thrown at you. I think I had a concusion
I can’t shake the image of her gigantic black unibrow. It’s like I got a blowie from Eugene Levy
Randomize
