Please explain to me what this has to do with my fantasy to fuck larry king?
my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
I saw your arrest video on youtube. you look so thin!
What's the kids name that was drinking stale beer and redbull out of the blender?
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
On a side note I think I burnt my eyebrow when we "teter-totered" into the fire
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
It's official. I am the girl who threw up in the library. Hangovers and midterms do not mix.
It was your ex but it was not eighties night, it was pudding wrestling. And either thank you or I'm sorry depending on the state of my pants left on the doorstep
The three yr old girl I nanny grabbed a pole just now and is chanting "this is my house"
Sounds like you at that dive bar last weekend
How many fucks given?
0.12846
so you 69ed him in the parking lot of your apartment
yah I won't allow him in my apartment
I can empathize with sociopaths, serial killers, demons, gods, and monsters....straight white males are literally the only barrier to my 100% empathy rate. I don't get it.
Best single mom victory - getting eaten out in my dodge caravan in the hospital parkade at midnight.Three words: screaming multiple orgasms.
Randomize
