Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
i think beer pong is the only time ive ever found a use for geometry
You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
You know in a few years she's gonna look like her mom. So if you're gonna hit that you better do it while she still looks like somebody else.
This is like the best thing that's ever happened to us. We're getting paid to sit around get high and eat. There is a Jesus
They are the perfect team. One always has weed, the other always has cigarettes. They're like the Batman and Robin of drugs
I think we've reached the point in the summer were we need to go back to school. I was so bored yesterday I nearly bought blow dart gun.
this night just went from meh to biblical thanks to drunk naked yahtzee
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
Can we start referring to attractive men as "A fine piece of dick?"
it’s my vagina i can do what i want to
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