i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
it's official, i've been high in 26 different states, and three different countries.
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
We have 10 gallons of home brew. And james has an amazonian blow dart weapon that sticks in bags and the wall. Come over
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
Dude you missed it. This guy in the liquor store knocked over a whole display of 5 hour energy with his face.
Jus saw ur date getting a bj in the mcdonalds parking lot...u want anything?
Let me tell you the story of bicurious george
I just want somewhere where I can sit down, without changing my clothes, that will serve me breakfast food and booze. Is that too much to ask?
I try not to flex my sex appeal too much around the engineers, it's like feeding bears...always ends in disaster.
Costco cheesecake and whisky. A night made in heaven
Eh, I don't question what my penis likes. It just does what it does.
I was just giving a mobile app demo to a client, on my iPhone, when a reminder alert appeared across the page blinking "12pm: go home and give John head". You're an asshole
Hahaha oops.
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
I've had way too many dicks in my mouth the past two weeks. Ready to go back to school and be a doctor now
Randomize
